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A Year of Healing: Finding Strength After Loss
It has been a year since my husband passed away.
Sometimes, saying those words still feels strange. A whole year has gone by, yet there are moments when the pain feels like it happened only yesterday. There are memories that can still bring tears to my eyes, and there are days when I wish I could go back to the time when our family was still complete.
But a year has also taught me something I never thought I would learn: healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
Healing means learning how to live with the loss.
One Year Later, I Found a Different Kind of Peace
When I first lost my husband, I couldn’t imagine what life would look like without him.
There were so many questions.
How will I take care of the kids?
How will I manage everything on my own?
How will I face the future?
And honestly, there were days when I didn’t feel strong at all. But somehow, one day at a time, I kept going. Now, a year later, I can say that I have found a certain kind of peace. It isn’t the kind of peace where I no longer feel sad. I still do. There are moments when I remember him and feel the emptiness all over again. There are moments when I wish I had someone beside me to share the responsibilities of the home, someone to help carry the weight when everything feels overwhelming.
And yes, sometimes I long to have a man in the house again. Not necessarily because I want to replace my husband. He can never be replaced. It’s more about missing the feeling of having someone beside me. Someone to talk to after a long day. Someone who could help when the responsibilities become too much. Someone who could simply be there.
I think it’s okay to admit that. Grief doesn’t take away our need for companionship. And wanting someone to help us carry life doesn’t mean we love the person we’ve lost any less.
I Had to Become Stronger
Losing my husband changed me in many ways. I became more independent because I had to. I became more intentional about money because I had to think about the future of my children. And most of all, I became more determined to find ways to provide a better life for them. I started looking harder for opportunities to earn.
I explored different ways to make income. I worked on my website, created products, learned new things, and looked for opportunities that could help me financially. There are still days when I feel tired. There are days when I wonder if I’m doing enough. But when I look at my children, I remind myself why I keep trying.
I want them to have a good life.
I want to give them opportunities. I want them to grow up knowing that even when life becomes incredibly difficult, their mom did everything she could to keep moving forward.
I Am Still Grieving, But I Am Also Living
One thing I’ve learned this past year is that grief doesn’t follow a schedule. You don’t wake up after one year and suddenly stop missing someone. Some days are peaceful. Some days are difficult. Some days I can laugh and enjoy life without feeling guilty.
And some days, a memory can suddenly bring tears. I’ve learned that all of those feelings can exist at the same time. I can miss my husband and still be grateful for the life I have. I can feel sad and still have hope.
I can wish he were here and still look forward to what the future might bring. I can grieve the life I once had while slowly building a new life for myself and my children. Maybe that’s what acceptance really looks like. It isn’t saying, “I’m okay with what happened.”
It’s saying, “I accept that this happened, and I will continue living despite it.”
Looking Toward the Future
A year ago, the future scared me. Today, I still don’t know exactly what it will look like, but I’m no longer as afraid of it. I’m learning to dream again. I’m learning to work harder. I’m learning to recognize opportunities. I’m learning to take care of my children while also remembering that I need to take care of myself.
And maybe someday, there will be another person who comes into our lives. I don’t know. I’m not forcing it, and I’m not searching desperately for it. For now, I’m simply trusting that whatever is meant for us will come at the right time. My priority is my children, my healing, and building a stable and meaningful life for us.
To the Woman I Was One Year Ago
If I could speak to the woman I was one year ago—the woman who was scared, grieving, overwhelmed, and unsure of how she would survive—I would tell her:
You made it.
You cried, but you kept going. You were afraid, but you kept showing up. You didn’t have all the answers, but you found a way. You didn’t know how you would provide for your children, but you kept looking for opportunities. You didn’t know how you would heal, but slowly, quietly, you did. You are still healing. And that’s okay.
You don’t have to have everything figured out. You don’t have to be strong every single day. You are allowed to miss him. You are allowed to feel lonely. You are allowed to want someone beside you. You are allowed to dream about a better future. And you are allowed to be happy again.
One Year Later, I Choose Hope
My husband’s absence will always be a part of my story. There will always be a place in my heart that belongs to him. But his passing does not have to be the end of my story. There is still so much life ahead of me. There are still dreams I want to pursue, opportunities I want to explore, places I want to take my children, and memories I want to create with them.
I don’t know what the next year will bring. Maybe there will be challenges. Maybe there will be unexpected blessings. Maybe there will be new opportunities, new friendships, and perhaps someday, new love. Whatever comes, I want to face it with an open heart. Because one year later, I finally understand something:
I didn’t survive this year because I was always strong.
I survived because even on the days when I wasn’t strong, I kept going. For my children. For myself. And for the future that is still waiting for us. One day at a time. One prayer at a time. One opportunity at a time. And one healing moment at a time.
This is not the end of my story.
This is simply the next chapter.
I'm Sharon Felicio. I'm glad you are exploring my website.
- felicio.sharon@gmail.com
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